Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
