Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
