Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize