my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
