Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got inside last night via doggy door
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
