i was born a porn star she said
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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