Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
