How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
