first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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