And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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