god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
