Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im six kinds of drunk right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
