If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
