did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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