he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
