The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
