So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
