Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
