Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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