Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
