she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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