she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
love makes seman taste better
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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