I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need water and some morals
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
