i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
