Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
