A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
