I am puke
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
