you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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