That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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