We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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