the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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