in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
