What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
