No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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