I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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