Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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