You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
