I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
