Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
