Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
