i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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