hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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