piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
