WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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