I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
