Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
