Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
