apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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