1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
