Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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