remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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