There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
