i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
