my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
