it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
