Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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