The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Found your dick twin last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
