I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
