On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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