Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
