$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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