I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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