Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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