we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
