How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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