the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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