A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize