She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
