im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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