There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
