I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize