Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
